Monday, January 24, 2011

Scare.... (TMI)

So today... I was afraid that I had just had another MISCARRIAGE... ugh... how I hate that word/action..... Ive had one other miscarriage in my life... it was last year, apparently the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks... (and I thought I was 13 weeks already)

Hearing your doctor confirm that you had a miscarriage is HORRIBLE... I remember it hurts so much (emotionally) since I had already began to plan the future... I had even had a dream that that little baby was going to be a lil girl... I was sooo excited... up until that day that I found out... that I had lost it....

This all started a few days before... I remember going to the restroom, and well I was a lil constipated... but really needed to go #2... so I pushed and pushed till it all came out... but when I went to wipe myself, I noticed blood on the toilet paper... It was a really really small amount.. so I tried not to worry... I believe about 2-3 more days passed by and I was experiencing the same thing once again every single day... but once again... I tried not to worry.. anyways I was going to have my appt with my doctor in a few days....

So that day I went to my doctor, and she tried to hear the baby heartbeat... and nothing.... so she took me to her ultrasound room... and the baby wasn't moving.. and she couldn't hear anything.... so she sent me to the hospital to have a sonogram... but by that time I knew what was going on... I was crying... Nd crying and crying.... I am so thank full that I had my husband by my side thru it all... because after that we went back to my doctors, where she confirmed what I knew... I had just miscarried... and we were going to have to do a D&C to have the baby removed....

I know I keep on calling it a baby, and maybe at that time its not really considered a baby... but when you REALLY really want to have that baby... and already made plans for that baby... then you cant help yourself and call it a baby... a lil human being...

I always say that if you haven't gone thru it, you will never know the extent of emotional pain that you feel... I was emotionally distraught for a few days... till I decided not to think of it... I told my husband to let people know that I was no longer pregnant (while I was not around)... I didn't want to have people reminding me every minute of every day of what I had just gone thru... I guess this was my way of healing... BUT its not a way that I recommend... I do HONESTLY feel that you should give yourself time to grieve... whether its by yourself, or surrounded with friends.. I do suggest you do that...

...............

So today I had started bleeding a lil bit once again.... and I couldn't feel the baby move (for the past week Ive been feeling the baby move) so i did everything that i could think of to make the baby move.... till about 1 hr later... I FELT IT MOVE.... you have no idea what relief that is... it made everything soooo much better... I was so comforted... I didn't want to scare my husband by letting him know what was going on till I confirmed for myself that I wasn't feeling the baby move... but I do have a ultrasound early Tuesday Morning... so I am looking forward to that ultrasound.....

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